First Steps

I never thought to cry.
I never thought to be sad at all. It was a happy moment, those first few steps of my firstborn.  I just smiled and giggled as my heart swelled with pride. I grabbed the camera and captured as many of those steps as I could - but it never occurred to my unsuspecting heart to be sad or stop him; to make him slow down or hold back.

  

Nicky 12 months

He was 12 months old when he was a true "walker". Many of his first steps photos were actually taken on his first birthday. It was a happy day. On the day he took some of those first steps, I  stood amazed that it had been a whole 12 months since I held him for the first time.  He was walking and it was something I wanted to remember forever. I do still! I remember it like it was just yesterday. I didn't know then that someday he'd have a new set of first steps, and I'd be just as proud, every bit as ready to grab the camera and start snapping, Never did I  realize that THIS time, I'd cry. Yes, cry. Every day he's taking steps toward independence, just like before. Only now, "independence" means college, jobs, apartments and life on his own.
So as he continues to walk, my heart swells with pride. My smile can't grow any bigger and my camera is clicking away. I'm capturing it all. I wouldn't change any of it. He's everything I wanted him to be, but I cry. When I watch him doing the things a high school senior does, getting ready for that big, big world,  and I watch him walk - every day - off to check one more thing off of that big list called "things to do before I grow up", I cry.

But I smile too. :)

Nick age 18

                                            

Nick age 18

The Boots

 

Everybody has their habits I suppose. Sometimes we aren't even aware we have them until they're years old. Such is the case with a habit Nik and I have had since the beginning of our time.
He's in the Air Force. Since he's an aircraft mechanic in the AF, he's required to wear steel toe boots with the sexy-man uniform. A habit we formed years ago has become sort of a sentimental thing to us. It's simple really, and probably insignificant to the rest of the world, but to Nik and I it feels wholly and completely real and familiar.
It happens when he's wearing the sexy-man uniform. He walks to me and puts his arms around me for a hug and I accept. I lean in close and step up - right on to those steel toes. It puts us almost eye to eye. It certainly puts us chest to chest and the lips? Yep, they reach pretty well too. It's a habit we've found ourselves missing many times during long separations. It's a habit we've accepted as much a part of our relationship as our children are a part of our lives. It's something we do without thinking.

That is until 2 years ago. Our move to Spain meant we would live off base in the local community. THAT meant my strong, military man was not allowed to wear his uniform at home (or anywhere off base for that matter). He couldn't wear his uniform except on the base - a place where we weren't free to stand around and hug on the rare occasion I even saw him in uniform. So there went our habit. Our years long "tradition" of steel-toe-standing-hugs. And there went my eye candy. Boy was I missing that uniform!

That is until NOW. Our move on base two days ago marks the first time in over 2 years that he came home from work wearing the sexy-man uniform. Today was the first day at work since moving and to say I was happy is an understatement. It didn't take long before I was stepping up onto those steel toes and being wrapped in a hug that has, for the last almost 20 years, felt familiar and safe and perfect.

This is THE habit I love loving. What is yours?